A moment of clarity.

I’m starting to think that this is not worth it. I mean, seriously — why am I compelled to be skinny again? Yeah, I know… The love handles staring at me from the mirror. Still, I wonder if it’s really good enough. I think about being skinny and shedding all my cares. But then… What about school, work, and all the other equally fucked up things in my life? Will being skinny fix them? I know that I’ll go back to starving, no, restricting… Hopefully I’ll have this reminder to gradually help me get to a better place. This(eating disorder) will kill me. I am well aware of the consequences. I keep telling myself that I have maximum control. Pssh, that’s maximum horseshit.

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